Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Things we learn . . .

**Warning** for hilarious and potentially disturbing content **Warning**

Dads should not burp their babies naked.

That's right. But let me clarify . . .

Dads should not be naked while burping their babies.

Because . . .

Yes, you've guessed it.

Your penis might get barfed on.

There are a series of circumstances required for this to happen:

1) A Mum might feed the baby in bed early in the morning then pass the baby off to Dad for burping.

2) If Mum and Dad sleep naked, then it stands to reason that these activities of feeding and burping may also occur in the nude.

3) Occasionally, during the burping process, a baby will spit up.

4) While spitting up, the baby might turn his head to propel the barf over his shoulder, down his Dad's arm, and onto his unsuspecting penis.

The Dad will likely then return the baby to his mother and go have a shower, asking that they never speak of this event.

The Mum will likely then blog about this event. She will not post a picture.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Olympic Fun (Part 3)

I will soon get back to blogging properly about all things parent-y, but for the past couple of weeks I have set aside my woes about poop consistency and sleep-deprivation in order to bring you The Adventures of the Tilgneroots' at the Olympics:

David hates his smile in this picture but I had to post it to convey Sam's overall displeasure with this outing. He was not a big fan of the crowds and chaos of downtown Vancouver. It could also be that the sun was in his face.

He is slightly less furious in this photo with Auntie Christine (the afternoon was young yet).

Because nothing says Vancouver like . . . veal?

We managed to score an awesome table at a pub where we planned on having a couple of beer and watching the Canada v Switzerland men's hockey game (note the big screen behind me!).

Unfortunately, once we scored the first goal, the pub went wild and Sam lost his cool. The only consolation is that it was so noisy that our fellow patrons couldn't hear Sam screaming his poor little overwhelmed and overstimulated head off :(
Dad had to take Sam out of the pub to calm him down while his drunky mom finished her beer - quickly.

After that we stuck to the streets and took in all the people and lights and general energy. It was fun. Would have been more fun with a sitter (sorry Sambot, you can be a bit of a buzz kill), but that's ok.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Olympic Fun (Part 2)

Unfortunately Sam sat this one out, as it was a cold rainy night (at an outdoor venue) and past his bedtime. So he stayed home with Dad while I went with friends to see the RCMP Musical Ride at Surrey's Celebration site at Holland Park.

The highlight of the night? The bags of cinnamon-dusted mini donuts : )

Friday, February 12, 2010

Olympic Fun (Part 1)

Despite some early ambiguity about the 2010 Olympics being hosted in Vancouver, I can confidently say that I now have Olympic fever :)

There is something really cool about knowing that all the events and celebrations are actually taking place right here. And I'll be able to watch them in real (and local) time!

The city is putting on a proud face - and so are we :)

Ok, well Sam was more interested in a nap than the torch relay, but he and his buddy Noah hung in there.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Thursday, February 4, 2010


Sometimes babies simply don't want to sleep. Or they want to - desperately - but don't know how (read: are too stoopid to just close their eyes!). Anyone who has ever had a baby - or been stuck in the grocery store line behind a crying one - knows this (my apologies to the folks at Thrifty Foods today).

Of course, babies need a lot of sleep. More than us. And if they don't get it, they get cranky and make it their red-eyed, whining mission to make all those around them cranky as well.

I don't get it! If someone said to me "Hey friend, you look tired. Why don't you take a load off and go have a nap?" . . . I'd be like "F---ing awesome! Thanks!! And hey, when I get up could you have some warm milk on tap for me? And maybe give my ass a quick wipe 'cause I'm pretty sure I just wet myself with delight." But no. Babies don't appreciate just how precious sleep is. And how much they will miss it when they grow up and have children of their own.

I don't know if it's because they have immature central nervous systems, or because now that they realize there is an exciting world around them they're worried they'll miss something . . . but it can be really difficult to convince these little rugrats to go to sleep. Especially for those elusive daytime naps.

Oh, the lengths we'll go to to facilitate naps. We'll sing (even if we can't), rock, bounce, walk, drive, stroll, shove our boobs in their mouths, beg . . . the strategies are endless! Note the picture of Sam sleeping on his dad in the baby b.jorn, because our no-fail fallback sleep technique is throwing Sam in the carrier and heading outside - there is something about fresh air that knocks him right out.

And once you get that baby to sleep you do not disturb him for love nor money. Note in that picture that dad is back home from the walk and lying on the bed with Sam still in situ because we do not dare remove him from the b.jorn lest we face the fury of the baby whose nap has been cut short. It's why some parents will walk or drive for hours in fear that stopping the motion will wake the baby. It's why some parents have threatened murder when their unsuspecting partners have made some noise louder than a whisper in the presence of the finally-sleeping baby. It's the same reason that I typed the first half of this post one-handed while the other hand supported Sam in a cuddle until I was certain he was deeply asleep enough that I could prop him in my lap on pillows without stirring the beast.

And like many of you, before I had a baby, I swore that I would never engage in these pathetic activities just to get the kid to sleep or stay asleep. "They've got to learn to just sleep where ever they are" I probably said. I probably thought that catering to a baby's sleep needs would spoil them. Boy was I an idiot! While I do believe that Sam needs to be able to sleep with noise around, I also strictly subscribe to at least two naps a day in order to avoid the late afternoon, pre-bedtime meltdown. And I will do - or force my husband to do - anything to encourage those Zzz.

-- please feel free to comment with your sure-fire nap-inducing techniques --

Monday, February 1, 2010

Cheap plug

I am the guest blogger on a site called More Than a Village today. Take a peek!