Thursday, July 1, 2010

Biting and other oral offenses

According to the stories I hear from other mums, we have been extremely luckily that Sam does not seem terribly bothered by teething. In fact we didn't notice that his top two were on their way until we could see them poking through his pink little gums. There was none of the telltale drooling, crying or rashy puffy cheeks. His sleep was not affected at all! Luck-y. Oh yeah, for him too : )

But don't worry envious mommies out there. I am getting mine. For that toothy little smile might have been adorable at first, but in fact I'm now certain it is the gateway to excruciating pain and potential child abuse. Sam's favourite nibbling area is my right shoulder. I have the welts and bruises to prove it. He is subtle and pretends that he is leaning in for a hug (I'm sappy and so am fooled every time) - then ever so subtly he opens his mouth (maybe he's going to give me one of those slobbery open-mouthed kisses that only a baby can make cute, my sappy mommy brain thinks). Then I am suddenly and painfully jolted from my estrogen-induced euphoria by four razor-sharp piranha teeth slicing into the bare skin of my shoulder.

Is it wrong to want to throw your child to the floor? Of course I don't want to, but instinctive response to pain is hard to control. The first time he bit me really hard while nursing I yelped and almost smacked him on the nose before remembering that he is not a puppy! My sharp reaction scared him I guess because he doesn't bite the milk button anymore (thank goodness, otherwise it was going to be an abrupt weaning). The shoulder is still fair game though.

Oh, but worse - far worse - than the biting? The GRINDING !!! I shudder to write about it! I have seriously nearly dropped Sam in an effort to get away from the horrific, nerve-shredding sound. Why? Why?? I know that the world is a bounty of discover for him right now. Every sound, taste and texture a sensory explosion. But seriously, that can't feel good! Please, for the love of your mother, STOP grinding your four tiny teeth or I will force feed you maple syrup until they rot and fall out!

Too harsh?

Finally . . . and more comical than offensive really . . . the spitting. Wet raspberries. Little motor boat lips. Love it! Even when there is a mouth full of food involved. I have to admit it's quite funny, but I don't dare let Sam see that I think so, because then it will become a game. As it is, he only spits out food when he's had enough and I've ignored the earlier cues. Serves you right, mum. I've been turning my face away and batting at the spoon during your last 5 attempts. How much more clear can I be? You want me to sign or something?!

I know there are many oral offenses on the horizon, what with the commencement of speech and all. Inane repetitive questions, talking back, inappropriate public discussions about genitalia. All flesh wounds. Quick to heal. The first time he screams that he hates me, though? I'll wish that bite would only leave a bruise.

1 comment:

  1. And I thought that Noah was done with the grinding but alas, a new tooth appears and the grinding commences anew. GRRRRRR!