Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Reading list

I really like to read and I miss the days when I could read leisurely - all day if I wanted to. Now I'm lucky if I have the uninterrupted time during the day, or the energy at the end of the day, to get through anything more than a few pages. I know, boo hoo. I wouldn't trade what I have. I'm just saying that I have to be particular about what books / magazines/ whatever I spend my time on.

Which brings me to this book that a neighbour lent me.

I don't want to say the title or author in case I get sued for libel, but if you've read it you'll know which one I'm talking about. It's a very popular book right now. Especially among women. It has a lot of sex in it. It's basically porn. There's a colour in the title.

I may be the only woman in North America who will not finish reading this book. I got eight chapters in and . . . oh my! It. Is. Terrible.

Here's why. 

Everyone murmers or mutters when they speak.

Every look is a gaze. Or a peek through the subject's eyelashes.

Phrases like Holy crap and Holy shit are used like punctuation. And I'm not offended by profanity (haha : ) just the author's lack of creativity.

In the first seven chapters our heroine flushes or blushes every 10 seconds - how many shades of crimson can a girl's complexion progress through?

Every mention of the love interest's fingers includes the observation that they are long.

While the same words and phrases are used repeatedly in short succession, there is (as my neighbour puts it) the occasional 50 cent word thrown in to prove that the author owns a dictionary. For example, "somnambulant" - wtf?!? Who knows what that means without looking it up?!

The author's descriptive abilities match a high school cheerleader's: The love interest is supposed to be so attractive and seductive that our timid, virginal main character willingly and immediately submits to him. Yet the author says little about him other than the colour of his eyes and that he is "hot". I'm sorry, does he have a fever? That's like reading a car review (of, like, an Aston Martin or a Lambo) that says "It's fast" and omits all of the engine specs! Come on!! I'm sure some critics would say that the author is purposely vague so that the reader can project her own ideal of attractiveness onto the character. I say it's lazy. 

All of this may have been forgivable if the sex was worth it. But it wasn't!! Again, where is the description? Where is the even marginal plausibility? A virgin has multiple orgasms during her first time? Vaginal orgasms? Nipple orgasms?? What kind of disappointing inaugural sexual experiences are we setting young women up for here?!?

The writing is so bad it is distracting. I found myself getting so angry with the overused vocabulary that I couldn't focus on the poor character development or the unconvincing "plot". In the end, I just had to stop reading. Very disappointing . . . I had been looking forward to some good smut (after all, I just had a baby and am not having sex of my own at the moment). But I can't even waste my time on this.

Am I too judgmental? Am I getting old? Have you ever stopped reading a book that you just couldn't enjoy? Or are you the type of person who reads a book to the end once you've opened it?

2 comments:

  1. Oh this post made me howl!! I also HATED this book for the same reasons. That and the herione ( can we even call her that?? ) her pathetic swooning made me want to puke. And the rescue each other storyline was also beyond pathetic.

    And I felt the author didn't have a clue what she was talking about....that she just went to a bunch of online porn websites and tried mash together what she saw/ read with some old smutty magazines. And no plot.. NONE whatsoever. Crazy to think there are 3 of these books.

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  2. thank you for your critique......I thought I was the only woman out there that thought this was a piece of crap!! I am not a prude either, and like most women, enjoy a good "romance" for the fantasy..... but I have read better soft porn in a Harlequin Romance novel than in this book. I also didn't bother to finish the first book, very glad it was a borrowed copy. I almost spent the money to download the trilogy onto my Kobo.

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